camp d'etat

Today's final camp production was outstanding. The kids were just absolutely phenomenal, far more so than I anticipated. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful a job they did with their joke-telling ("What do you get when Batman and Robin get run over by a steamroller?" "I don't know, what do you get?" "Flatman and Ribbon!"), their play (all the egg jokes!), and their circus-themed dance drama ("The Sad Clown" --no, really).

What most impressed me? They got huge laughs from the audience during the stand-up comedy section, and not just because the audience was mostly, um, their parents.

Or so I like to tell myself. Especially since not a one of them actually, you know, mastered the juggling. Although it might be funnier to watch them chase scarves all over the stage, if you think about it.

I would love to rave about some of my favorite kids, including Caleb, the almost-seven-year-old with osteogenesis imperfecta who is as bright as many kids twice his age and a natural-born comedian; or Corey, who has now done Drama Kids for two-and-a-half years and has the most adorable giggle on the planet, if not in the entire universe; or Olivia, who at ten years old has powerful projection, expert expression, and a knack for handling kindergarteners that made her an invaluable tool for me.

However, due to my overwhelming -- but good -- exhaustion, in lieu of that, I give you the script of the Drama Kids written, produced, set designed and drawn, and even house managed (they drew their own tickets and then collected them) world premiere, The True Story of Humpty Dumpty. (Yes, I'm going all-out sap-tastic tonight. Normal content to return...eventually.)

Opening Scene: The Great Wall of China. Humpty Dumpty is trying to balance along the top of the Wall. His friend the Cheese is there too.
Cheese: I’m going to sneak up behind him! This is the first time I’ve ever scared someone! (pushes Humpty, who falls)
Humpty: I think I broke some shell! (faints)
Cheese: I’d better call 911. (dials) Hey! There’s no service!
King and Queen pass by on sightseeing tour.
Cheese: Help! Somebody help! My friend fell off the wall!
King: I think I should send all of my horses and all of men to put him together again.
Queen: It’s only a silly egg. If we don’t save Humpty Dumpty, we could feed a lot of our people, and that’s no yoke – I mean, joke!
King: You crack me up! But I like my idea better. Come on, King’s Men and King’s Horses!
Horses and Men ride up.
Horse E: Neigh! What happened? (they shake HD)
Humpty: I don’t remember. (faints again)
Sully: What a gooshy mess!
Horse H: Somebody should call his parents. (looks at the Cheese, who is trying to hide)
Joseph: Ugh. We don’t know how to fix this!
Horse H: Load him on our backs and we’ll take him to the hospital.
K’s Men: We’ll come too. What a great idea!
Horses: Why thank you!
Cheese: Who will tell his parents to go to the hospital?
Queen: Oh, we have the Royal phone. We’ll call them.
King: We get egg-cellent service.
All arrive at the hospital. Mr. and Mrs. Dumpty are waiting for them.
Mom: Humpty! Are you OK?
Dad: How could you be so clumsy?
Mom: Now now, be nicer to him. I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose!
Dad: Are you insane? I bet he just did it so he doesn’t have to go to school.
Mom: Hmph. Well, even if he did, we still have to help him get better!
Doctor Grace and Nurse Mary enter. They look at Humpty.
Grace: Hmmm. I think we should glue him.
Mary: No! We should use tape!
Mary and Grace ad-lib about the merits of tape versus glue, zippers, Velcro.
Dad: You both have it wrong! You have to sew him back together!
Mary: Of course! Why didn’t we think of that?
Grace: Let’s do it!
(They sew HD up and he sits up)
Humpty: Where am I? Where’s the rest of my Kung Pao chicken?
Mary: We sewed him back together, but I think he has amnesia!
Grace: Call the amnesia specialists!
Elle: (from offstage) Come on, Nurse Cora! We might have to do some scrambling on this one!
Cora: I’ll go get the amnesia medicine!
Mom: Oh, my poor eggy!
Elle: Now now, no use crying over spilled yolk.
Cora: Here, drink this. (Humpty drinks.)
Dad: Now we can ask him some questions!
Mom: Humpty, how do you feel?
Humpty: Like I fell off the Great Wall of China.
Everyone: You DID fall off the Great Wall of China!
Humpty: I did? But how?
Everyone ad-libs wondering how it all happened, what went on, etc. Finally the Cheese can take no more.
Cheese: It was me! I pushed him!!
Everyone: WHAT?!?
Cheese: I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to sneak up and scare him, but he …went over easy!
Humpty, can you ever forgive me?
Humpty: I don’t know. Sire, what do you think I should do?
King: Well, a grilled cheese sandwich does sound pretty good…
Everyone gasps in horror.
Queen: He’s just kidding! You should be friends again. That is, as long as you’ve learned not to horse around anymore!
Horses: Neigh!
Cheese: I definitely won’t scare people anymore.
Humpty: Then we’re friends forever.
Mom: And Humpty, if you ever fall off the Great Wall again?
Dad: Try to land sunny side up!