jean fool

So after I found myself continuing to lust after the awesome pair of Joe's Jeans (remember this and this?) I found online at this amazing discount site, I decided maybe they were worth the splurge.

But before I made any financial commitments, well, I just happened to be on eBay selling a no-longer-needed cell phone on behalf of my mother, and I decided, what the heck, might as well search here.

Lo and behold, I found a pair of the jeans, in my size, in an auction ending soon with no bids. Sure, they were coming from Canada, so the shipping was a bit much, but they still wound up being about a quarter of the original retail price.

Score!

I bid, and won, and transferred some money to PayPal, and paid. The seller was clearly Quebecois with a less-than-perfect grasp of English, but more than enough to complete the transaction.

And then: The Weirdness.

ended@ebay.com to me

Date: Fri, 31 Mar 2006 14:45:14 PST

Dear eBay member,

Please be aware that the following listing:
Item Number - 6864499123
Item Title - JOE'S SUNSHINE JEANS NWT

has been removed by eBay for violating of one or more of our policies. Any offers or bids placed on this listing are now null and void. Because the auction was ended, you as a bidder are not required to complete the transaction.

Please review eBay's Listing Policies and User Agreement at the following locations:

http://pages.ebay.ca/help/sell/policies.html
http://pages.ebay.ca/help/policies/user-agreement.html

We thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Regards,
eBay Trust & Safety

Perplexed, I wrote to eBay and PayPal. OK, I get that if they cannot verify the "authentic" claim when it is part of a listing, that violates their rules, but I had already paid for this item, so...what the hell were they doing? I wanted my jeans, dammit!

Both responded that if I didn't care that they could not verify the authenticity of the item ("A counterfeit jeans ring operating out of my car-hole?!"), I could go ahead and purchase it. Woo-hoo!

However, unbeknownst to me, the "instant transfer from bank account" in PayPal is instant from the transferer's account, but not to the transferee. So the conscientious -- if, technically, rule-breaking -- Quebecois did not send my jeans until the PayPal payment cleared.

And when they did, they didn't send me the tracking number.

I started to grow nervous. Should I file a dispute on PayPal to retrieve my money? Should I pester the seller with e-mails asking for the promised tracking number?

Damn eBay.

Yesterday, Jim brought the mail up and in the pile of mostly junk was a small peach-colored card that said a package was being held at the post office. The addressee was listed as "Leigh Miller."

I thought it was all becoming clear. The seller had misspelled my name, the postal carrier was concerned, and left me the notice.

Except, of course, the notice got into the proper mailbox just fine. (The plot thickens!)

Today I went to the post office. I handed my card to the nice man behind the counter and he went off in search of the package.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Lest you jump in to lecture me that this is the general modus operandi of the United States Postal Service, I should mention that the office was fairly empty at 9:40 this morning and I didn't even have to wait in a line to get to the counter clerk. So the delay was rather bizarre.

Finally he returned to the desk, still emtpy-handed. "Could this be under a business name, perhaps?" he asked.

Me: "Uh...noooo..."

Him: "O....K..."

Me: "Well, maybe this is the problem: My name isn't Miller, it's Maltese."

Him: "Ah!" He disappeared into the back and returned in approximately 8.4 seconds with my package.

Which was not only not addressed to "Leigh Miller" but was in fact addressed to "Leigh Maltese" in two separate and entirely legible locations.

Me: "Thank you!!" {pause} "Any idea why the card had the wrong name?"

Him: "Not a clue. I...can't even speculate, since the package..."

We both looked at it, then at each other. Clearly neither of us wanted to insult the carrier, but...damn.

I arrived home around 10, jeans (in package) in hand. They fit like a dream. I adore them.

Jeans: $64.95.
Time spent trying to figure out what the hell happened with the system: $22/hr, oh, for 10 hours of fretting and so-forth..
Looking like I actually have a curvy ass: Priceless.

The post office, however, might do well to give my postal carrier another eye test. Or invest in some glasses. $0.39 to mail a letter adds up after a while -- it has to pay for some decent frames eventually.